This week is childrenâs mental health week, and I canât think of a time itâs ever been more poignant. Weâre currently shut in together 24/7 - weâre working at home, weâre schooling at home, weâre playing at home, weâre relaxing at home and more often than not, weâre arguing at home.
Iâve heard people joke âat least weâre having more quality time togetherâ, but this begs the question - what is quality time? Do you find yourself heading towards the end of your already rather frayed rope with the 15th âMuuuumâŠ.â of the day? Are you clock watching during that board game because your Zoom work call starts soon?
And do you both get to the end of the day with your child feeling like theyâve not really had your attention at all, and with you adding another couple of bricks to the âguiltâ bag?
We all carry one around with us - âI should have listened moreâ, âI shouldnât have stuck them in front of the tv for so longâ, âI shouldnât have snapped at themâ. Each thought a heavy brick in that bag of guilt you carry around all day every day.
PUT THE BAG DOWN.
Yes you heard, itâs not doing you any good - weâve got enough to be dealing with at the moment. There is a simple way to ensure your child is getting what they need from you, and it only takes 15 minutes.
Many of us interact with our children often throughout the day, but how much of that time is uninterrupted and focused solely on the relationship between parent/child? How much of that time is spent in multi-tasking in our busy world?
Every day, make a promise to your child that you will give them 15 minutes. These arenât just any minutes, theyâre 15 magic minutes where they can rely on the fact that your phone will be put away, the tv will be off, no distractions and no interruptions - one on one time thatâs just for you and them.
It doesnât sound a lot does it? But engaging in 15 minutes of mindful, focussed play with your child brings demonstrable physical and neurological benefits for both of you. When we connect with our children, in an authentic and meaningful manner, our emotional right brain is reaching out and connecting with their emotional right brain. This supports the development of healthy attachment and creates foundations for positive mental health as they grow and develop.
Of course youâre more than welcome to spend more if you have it, the main point here is the quality of the time. When we are burning out, but still force ourselves to spend time with our children, that can actually be bad for them.
No matter how fraught your interactions are throughout the day, your child can bank on this 15 minutes of undivided attention, and it will surprise you what they store up to tell you in those precious moments.
Here are just some simple ideas of how you can spend it:
- Colouring - children tend to talk more when youâre sat side by side focussing on something together
- Read a story together
- Play a board game
- Sit down with them and ask about the video game theyâre playing or what they like about the tv programme theyâre watching
- Simply have a chat about their worries or fears
Obviously there will be days when you have oodles of time to play and interact, but for those days that you donât â take the stress off yourself, 15 minutes of quality time that connects you both is better than two weary folk whoâve just battled their way through yet another day.
At the beginning of the day, your child knows that amid the âplease just do your school workâ and ânot now Iâm workingâ times, there will be those magic minutes to look forward to.
And at the end of the day, no matter how fractious, busy, and hard things have been, you know you have both laughed and talked and enjoyed yourself and have been able to put that bag of guilt down.
Win win I say!
We hope this helps, for more resources on childrenâs mental health please visit: www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk
